


A Long Walk in The Dark

by She_Who_Only_Knows_War



Category: Original Work
Genre: A Letter to Insensitive People and Hurting People alike, Foul Language, Gen, It's Also Kind of Ranty, Sorry Not Sorry, Sort of Hopeful Ending, Today is a hate day, You're Welcome, dealing with grief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:19:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4628454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/She_Who_Only_Knows_War/pseuds/She_Who_Only_Knows_War
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Airing out the stuff I never could... And some advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Long Walk in The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> Funny enough, I don't really intend this to be a Poor Me Fest. I don't want pity. I want stupid people to stop opening their mouths.

The wrong people are inevitably going to see this. But that's fine. Maybe one day, the right people will come across it, read it and think, _Oh God. That was me._

Good.

My sister passed away in August two years ago. And for everything that went wrong between us, this was the climax of it. The point that sent me off the tracks.  
In July, we went to camp (It was the last year I could go as a Camper.) And they had shown us a video of an old woman who had peace even when she laid each and every one of her family members in the ground.  
Looking back, I think that woman was just putting up a front. There's no way she could honestly be okay.

I think our Society taught her how to lie.

It does. It teaches us what we should say. How we should act. How we should think.  
And it teaches us to cover up when we need medical aid the most.

I will never forget the week after my sister passed, someone I had thought of as a little brother said, " _I want to be like that lady._ "  
And I'll tell you why he could never be like that lady. Not at this point.

That was my sister. That was the blood I tried and tried and tried to keep from being spilled.  
And it was never really enough.  
After that day in August, I was weak. But I was strong because my family needed me to be.  
My mom needed me to be.  
So I held it together better than the pathetic excuse for a man she married did. I tried to accept useless platitude after mindless platitude.  
I kept hearing people tell me I couldn't be mad at God and thought, " _How fucked up is that?_ "  
I cannot even tell you how lost I was. I never had any problem crying in public before. But after this, I don't.  
I had people tell me they were impressed with how strong I was being and I thought, " _Is this really what it should be like?_ "  
It's not. People are dumb, useless cattle that only seek their own comfort. Their own glory.  
People have told me they felt my pain as strong as I do. Don't accept those lies like I did. You don't have to be rude about it. But if they have never been in your situation, tell them. Especially if they've never had someone close die.  
My mentor and I were close once, we've drifted with our opposing views. She contacted me a short time ago to ask if my sister was pregnant at the time she died and could not even spell her name right. She went on to say she felt just as much pain as I did over my sister's loss.  
If you feel so compelled, shame the people that do this. They have no right to ask you something like that. No right to behave that way.

I do still feel betrayed by the boy that my sister followed. He lived and she died. He was scum and she was lost. And yet everyone flew to him like he wasn't lower than dirt. Like he was still one of us, after everything...

The collateral grief lasted anywhere from a few days to about three months.  
Then my friends began insisting I wasn't grieving right.  
There was one that told me he, " _Wished I had been a better sister,_ " then turned around and claimed he didn't when confronted.  
If the right people _do_ read this, note, I do forgive you, but I am still picking those razor-sharp pieces of glass, those words out of my skin.  
She was worth more than this. So much more.  
And I was angry with her.  
I cannot remember my last words to her. But I do not believe they were good.  
It has only been this year that I am any, _any_ semblance of myself.  
It has been a hard, hard battle. And it probably is for some of you. But the fight is worth it. The battle of waiting for the sun every dark, lonely night really, truly is worth it.  
If you are taking a long walk in the dark, know it won't last forever. There are people that understand and not everybody is a pompous asshole.  
You _are_ actually allowed to be angry with God. He gets it, even if He disagrees.  
Don't avoid crying. Don't avoid talking about them. They deserve better.

You deserve better.

And to those who have done these things, the Church that has spoken ill of a grieving family, the mentor who has deluded themselves, the man that has said the most hurtful things:

Your time is coming. And it's coming quick.  
Never forget that Karma is a bitch. :)


End file.
